If there are some grudges on the part of the grandchildren or the adult children, it is when the children see that the grandparents treat (almost unintentionally) other grandchildren better than their children, who are also grandchildren. Perhaps the grandparents do not realize it, but it is necessary that this does not happen to avoid grudges or resentments between the families. Everyone wants grandparents and therefore, they need to treat each of the grandchildren, be equal… we must avoid favoritism!
The key to being a good grandparent is treating grandchildren equally, whether they are biological grandchildren or not. But it is not always easy to achieve it, although it is absolutely necessary!
Biological and non-biological grandchildren
Equal treatment sounds great in theory, but in reality, favoritism is a bad word that happens in reality. Fathers and mothers in assembled families want grandparents to treat all grandchildren the same whether or not they are biological, but grandparents have a hard time doing this. For them, it is not easy. Although it is not impossible.
Sometimes grandparents do not feel the same for all their grandchildren, even their biological grandchildren … And without realizing it they can also differentiate between emotional attachment between grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
Being less involved with non-biological grandchildren than with biological grandchildren may be due to external factors. For example, if an adoptive grandchild is in the custody of the other spouse and does not spend much time with the grandparent’s family side, there may not be ample opportunity to bond, although there is an intention to do so.
Relationships with grandchildren’s parents are also important to take into account. The geographical distance can also be a factor that influences. Grandparents may have more relationship with grandchildren who are closer. Sometimes, the personality of grandchildren also influences the relationship with grandparents.
In biological and unconscious terms, people are willing to favor those who share our genes, so that our genes are perpetuated in the future. This explanation is logical for some, while others prefer to believe that humans should be able to overcome any biological prejudice that exists. In any case, humans may not have total control of their hearts, but may struggle to control their behavior.
Tips for not showing favoritism
- Gifts. Unequal gifts is a open path to discrimination. Do not make gifts more generous to some and not to others. It is necessary to be fair in all aspects.
- The role of age. Grandparents may have more difficulty relating to the non-biological grandchildren who appeared in life when they were older. But even if it is not a typical relationship, it is possible to build a relationship that works, a relationship based on common interests.
- Pay the same attention to everyone. When it comes to spending time with grandchildren, grandparents are unlikely to treat all grandchildren in the same way. It is worth planning outings with grandchildren that suit their specific interests. Simple activities are the ones that work best, like going to the park to fly a kite, go out to look for snails, have a picnic in the field, activities in the garden, etc. It is necessary to talk directly with the children and listen to what they have to say.
Grandparents are very important people in the life of grandchildren and whether they are biological or not, everyone will want equal treatment, because they are all family!